2001

My mum passed away on 23^rd of April 2001 at around 7am. We now had to arrange for the burial. She really looked different after a few days in the Mortuary. I chose her dress and the color of her coffin to be white. We boarded the Hearse bus and were on our way to her home in upcountry. 

We were fine until we reached our home town. The whole village seemed to have been expecting us because we heard wails as we approached the homestead. It brought tears to our eyes and now the whole bus was wailing. According to tradition, the coffin was placed just outside her house. 

We sat up until late as the grave diggers finished their job and we set up a tent for a service the next day. The following day, May 5^th 2001, we had a service conducted by one of the pastors who led a church she attended. We viewed the body for the last time and the journey to the grave begun. The distance was approximately 2 meters but it seemed like 100m. People sang funeral songs as the coffin was being placed in the grave. We had to place flowers in the grave as the children and I remember a thorn from the bouquet got stuck on my dress so I was struggling to get it out as they waited for me. I finally placed mine in then we threw in some soil and allowed the grave diggers to finish their job.

We went to the house and as usual there was alcohol as my relatives got drunk. My grandmother was very devastated. She kept wailing for a while before she was escorted back to her homestead. I had to come back to Nairobi immediately since school had resumed.

School was not easy for a few days as everyone would offer their condolence. I would break down once in a while but I tried to be strong. A classmate had also lost her brother during that holiday so it was really hard for us but we pulled through.

I now had to move to Pamela’s as she was paying my fees and I needed change. I thought the grass would be greener since our mother had passed on. I also had no one to run to when I needed to unwind from the hard times at Susan’s place. Grace opted to stay behind though. Life at Pamela’s was different. Her first born daughter, Christine and the second born son Nick were older than me and the last born Dickson was younger than me by two years. We were both in high school. She also lived with my cousin called Jacob who was very quiet and the youngest. Their house was much bigger and they ate a lot of food, well quite a variety compared to what I was used to. Her husband was very loving and the children loved him.

Pamela was loud and very authoritative. She never took time to talk to her family live alone me. She got angry very quickly, rarely smiled or joked. One thing that reminded me of my mum, she was an alcoholic. She would go out over the weekend and come back home late when we have all slept.

 She worked in Arusha Tanzania, with the UN and travelled every weekend back to Kenya.

Once she took us for holiday in Arusha. I was very excited. We stayed at her house. It was me, Dickson and Jacob. The husband later joined us there. We took walks, spent our Christmas there, and ate a lot of roasted and fried chicken. I still remember the taste of it like it was yesterday.

See you soon Mum

The nurses decided to evict me from the room and said that i should come less often. Their argument was that they could manage well without my help and I needed to go back to school. I was adamant and they had no option but to allow me to stay. My routine continued, I stay with mum the whole day and night, in the morning I go back home, shower, change, prepare her porridge and am back to the hospital. Her room was on 10^th floor, private wing. I entertained myself with the Television. I also talked to her on and off just to keep her talking.

Her room had only one couch so I was given a blanket and I would sleep on the couch or on the floor. I used to take the cushions from the couch and place them on the floor, it was more comfortable. On this particular day, as I finished cleaning my mum’s bathroom, I forgot to tighten the tap. We slept and in the morning the room was flooded with water. The nurses were so upset, and that was the last time I slept in my mum’s room.

I would carry my homework in the room and catch up on my studies too. There was a time people came to the room to pray for my mum. They used to go from room to room praying for patients. When they asked her is she was born again, she said she had received Jesus as her personal savior some time back while in upcountry. The time she got born again she had called us in Nairobi and was so excited. I remembered buying her an English bible since she had one in mother tongue. I had also bought her a book mark. I was very excited. They still prayed for her and she got born again, again. At least now I was sure her soul would live on for eternity.

Her wounds were still being changed and her condition seemed worse by the day but I never lost hope. Once we took her for an X-ray that showed signs of cancer. The doctor later told us that she had Pancreatic Cancer but we were not to tell her. She was to be taken in for surgery. Uncle Jim, who was a doctor, got a few doctors that he knew to work on her.

When the surgery was over the doctor called my uncle and sisters and told them that it was successful. They went out drinking to celebrate that night. I was up the next morning with the routine to take her from ICU and back to her room. When I reached the hospital, one nurse told me to wait until they called my sisters. I waited patiently as I did my school work. The waiting became too long but I never felt suspicious.

Suddenly Susan appeared and looked disoriented. Her eyes were blood shot and that’s when it hit me. She told me they could not tell me because I was too young. We were allowed to enter the ICU and see my mum but we were to remove our shoes because ICU was a very sensitive unit. We walked to my mum’s bed where she had been covered with a white sheet. We unveiled it and just stared at her. I was still on denial. She seemed to be asleep. My sister broke down and we were quickly removed from the ICU. It dawned on me slowly and I was walking while tears trickled down. We went back to her room to clear her things.

The Worst Year Ever

Second year in high school started off on a low with constant reports that my mum was ailing. She was in and out of hospital back in upcountry. I had an uncle who was a doctor and so he kept prescribing medicine for her. She eventually got worse and was admitted at a hospital in Kisumu town. They had diagnosed her with Gall Stones that had to be removed surgically. 

After they were removed, her recovery became slow. She stayed in the hospital abit longer as they monitored her until it reached a point they had to transfer her to Kenyatta Hospital in Nairobi for better treatment.

We took a bus to Kisumu with my sister Susan and organized for my mum to be transported to Nairobi while lying on a bed. She was put at the back of the hospital van with a siren and we sat at the back with her. She was a strong woman because she persevered an 8 hour journey to Nairobi. She was quickly transferred to a hospital bed and wheeled to her room on the 10^th floor of Kenyatta Hospital.

After check up, the doctor said that while the Gall Stones were removed, something was tampered with that was making her remove a certain liquid from the wound. We kept dressing her wound because of the liquid. I was not about to leave her alone so I stayed with her whole time.

Luckily it was the April holiday break but students were attending holiday tuition. One of my classmates was my neighbor so she kept bringing for me the work. I used to be at the hospital the whole day and go back home in the evening. The hospital was also not far off, only 20 minutes walk. I would make her porridge everyday then take for her as she preferred that then I would eat the nice breakfast they would bring for her. Her room had a television so I kept myself busy. My sisters would visit when they came from work. Another time my sister suggested we shave my mum, but we all refused and I chose to plait her instead.

When the nurses came to take her for x-rays, I would help them wheel her all the way to the x-ray room and back to her room. I eventually made friends with other patients on that floor who were my age mates so we would stroll for a few minutes and go back. I remember I used to pray for her healing that I was so sure she would recover.

One time Grace came to visit and she broke down crying. We had to remove her from the room. I did not understand why she cried only to realize that I rarely left my mum so I never noticed her countenance was changing. She looked weaker and thinner everyday but I chose to believe on our healing God. There was a time my mum decided she wanted to try walking to the toilet. I used to keep for her a bedpan and clean her just on the bed. So this day I helped her off the bed and to the toilet. As she came back to the bed, she almost fell and I held her. We were stuck like that for a while because I could not move her but I could not allow her to fall either. Thank God Pamela walked in after a few minutes and helped me carry her onto the bed. She kept telling everyone how strong I was to hold my mum.

High School

I went to stay with mum in upcountry until time to resume school. Luckily my sister was also finishing so we went together. It was fun because it was a lengthy holiday. It was cut short when I had to start school. On the day I was to report, all my sisters were busy to take me to the school so I was not able to report on the first day. Mary finally came through and took me to school the following day.

My first day was horrible. Since that was the school my sister Grace was in, I was told to wear her uniform because no one wanted to buy me new uniform. I looked pathetic. First of all they had introduced a pullover with a badge, yet the one my sister had did not have one. The new skirt had only two lines, on the front and back, yet mine had four, her shirts were torn at the collar because of washing and anyway, she had worn them for four years.  We went to the registration office with my sister Mary and we met the head teacher. She asked for the leaving certificate which I did not have because I had arrears from grade school. Mary begged her to allow me as we try and get the certificate. The head teacher agrees and i was escorted to the classroom. I was so happy to see a few friends from grade school but the stares I got were scary. I quickly sat next to a friend and started catching up.

I was familiar with the school location so in the evening I found my way home.

Am not sure if Mary paid for the first semester in school but later on I used to go pick my fees from Pamela’s house. She finally agreed to pay. The first year of high school was okay as I was still getting acquainted and familiarizing myself with the people. Despite the occasional reminders from the head teacher that I needed to get a new uniform, I tried adapting as much as possible. I stood out of the crowd since everyone had new uniforms except me.

The Aftermath

Money became an issue. Since she had spent all her money on the plans and preparations to depart, and had resigned from her job. She had to start from scratch. Job hunting and feeding the family. The landlady was very considerate and did not pester her with rent arrears. It was my final year in grade 8 and my sister Grace in high school.

I did not have text books until later in that year. I managed to finish school but was not given my leaving certificate because I had school fees arrears. My niece and nephew had it rough. They were constantly being kicked out of school because of fees. There was a full year my niece Jessy stayed home. It was really sad. So now my big sister was to take up my fees for high school. I finally got my results and knew the school I had been called to. It was the sister school of my primary and it was not far from it either. I had really wanted to go to a boarding school so that I could concentrate on my studies but my mum refused, reason being that there would be no one to visit me since she was getting too old to travel a lot.

So the day arrived to go ask my big sister, Pamela, to pay my fees. We went with my mum and my uncle. This was to be my first time to see her. We reach her house and are welcomed warmly. We all sit and my mum explains the reason for our visit. My sister immediately refuses to hear anything of it and tells my mum that she will not pay the fees. My mum starts crying and my uncle quickly intervenes and tells my mum it’s not wise to cry in front of her children. She courageously recovers and says that we need to leave. I will never forget that day because I could not believe that my sister could do that to her mother. I later discovered that Pamela had a very lucrative job at the UN and was well able to support me with my education.

Near Departure

So here we were, back to life as usual. Justin was living with us. I found it weird because I had not grown up with a man in the house and the previous boyfriend had left me stigmatized. But as I had said, communication was not easy for him, so he wasn’t very difficult getting along with. In fact since he came, the beatings had subsided and now the shouting and yelling were predominant. I preferred it that way.

When I moved to Susan’s place, she had placed me as a dependent on her passport. Back then, it was possible since we were under age. Her nursing career was very lucrative overseas. She started planning to get another job and applied to various hospitals abroad. As I had mentioned earlier, her faith was very strong. She got the job and immediately resigned from the current job, a move she later regretted. We were all in the plan of going and so we undertook the logistics or relocating. In the midst of all the excitement and celebrations, she told me that I was to remain. It so happened that when she had gone to the embassy and requested if she could go with Justin, she was told that he had to be her dependent and so she had the option of replacing me with him.

The replacement was done and decision made. Plan was that Mary was to take us up or our other sister Pamela. I was shocked that she could replace me for him but again I was happy I was not going with her. A farewell party was held and it was so sad. They were all ready to go and so a van was hired to take us all to the airport plus our neighbors. We went up to the airport, and since it was late we bid them good bye and went back home. It was saddening but we knew we could manage. That night we were to sleep in the house all by ourselves. 

As soon as we arrived, we heard voices shouting and talking only to realize that they had returned and were in the neighbors’ house. The children were very confused and my sister just seemed upset. They all came over as Susan explained what had transpired. 

Apparently Justin’s passport was fraud and he had been arrested immediately it was detected. My sister had been given an option again, of going on to America with her children but she refused the offer. She wanted to come back and make sure Justin was released. I was annoyed at that statement. Why could she not see that Justin was guilty and might put her in more trouble in the future? I failed to understand.

After that, a few attempts were made to visit him in prison, and she used to take for him a few necessities. With no time the relationship was history.

Cats and Dogs

Susan loved pets. Jessy and I had our own cats. I remember mine was called Chacha, plain white furry and her’s Lisa, grey and white fur. We had to get rid of Chacha when she stole milk one day from the boiling pot. I couldn’t believe it since we had trained her for so long where to get her milk. We had to get rid of her because those were signs of being wild, as Susan put it.

That was a sad day for me. She kept coming back until one day we tied her in a box and threw her far. She couldn’t find her way back home. I hope to see her one day in heaven. The dogs were fun too, though I hated cleaning up after them. The dogs were out on the compound while the cats were in the house. Since we kept changing the cats and dogs, they were not used to each other so whenever the cat became curious and left through the window at night, they would get eaten by the dog. We would cry so much and get all depressed then Susan would get for us replacements.

We would walk the dog out at night in the estate. The dogs were only opened at night so the whole day they were locked in their dog house.

Those animals were the beginning of my love for cats and dogs. Nowadays I cannot stand seeing a stray dog. Makes me want to cry and take it home with me.

The Unexpected Return

My mum finally got around to convincing Mary to relieve Susan of the burden and take me up. Mary is our second born sister. She was married with four children. Her firstborn was older than me so I was not going to be the firstborn.

I got to pack my things and move to Mary’s house. Everything was different here. The house was a huge massionette and I was sharing a room with my niece Sarah, her third born. They were very friendly and inviting. I started getting used to it here. There was a house girl who was doing her job and I was not forced to do her work. I was comfortable and relaxed. It was fun being here, only to realize that my happiness was to be short lived.

No sooner had I settled, than I was packing to return to Susan’s house. I must have spent days only at her house. Mary took the opportunity to take me back to Susan’s. As we entered the living room, Susan was all smiles and I just broke down into tears. I was overwhelmed with disappointment and so many questions for God were running through my mind. So they waited for me to calm down and asked why I was crying. I bluntly admitted that I did not want to return to her house. One of the many things I regretted ever saying because what followed was unbelievable. On the table where they sat, were some containers for carrying food. She quickly grabbed one and threw it at me. It hit me on the head. I was immediately yanked and given a few slaps. I guess she could not stand the shame of being rejected. 

It had been so that Susan had convinced Mary how I was a very difficult child to live with and she is the only one who could handle me. For Mary that was a burden off but I wished she could have told Susan that she was willing to see it for herself because staying with her for a few days had not produced any evidence of Susan’s allegations. Mary was soft spoken and easily persuaded and I did not know her much to start begging her to go with me. Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t know I guess.