Another Best Birthday...

This was one of the best years yet. The freedom was refreshing, the lifestyle was uplifting, the environment was consoling and the acceptance was like no other. I was attending another fellowship group that was situated in South B because in every area there was one. So I made new friends. I was the only one in High School. They were all working. Those days the fellowship was still both genders.

My house became the meeting point since it was central and I was mostly home alone. My cousin had no problem with it but he had a problem with ‘church people’. He used to say that our neighbor had created a bad image for believers since he was a church leader and also had fellowship meetings in his house but he was known to have different girls come sleep over at his house. I used to tell him everyone will be judged individually but am glad he never refused for the fellowship to be held in his house.

This was my last year in high school and we were about to do the final exams. Since my birthday was in September, we had covered almost the whole syllabus in school so we were doing a lot of revision work. So this particular day, it was on a Tuesday and the fellowship had landed on my birthday. I was home early to prepare some snacks. I finally heard the knock and rushed to open for them. They had hidden a cake so as to surprise me. Once they entered they started singing for me happy birthday and brought the cake plus gifts. Oh how happy I was. I shed a few tears and we had loads of fun as we just chatted the evening away. My heart was so blessed and I could not thank them enough as they left. My cousin loved the cake too and that was a great 19th birthday.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Form four was a big relief for me. I was glad it was going to be my finally year in school and more so, it had been decided that I was to move to my cousin’s house since he lived near my school. My cousin had actually offered to host me since he was a bachelor living in a two bed roomed house. His house was actually five minutes from the school. I gladly embraced the offer. He came for me one Saturday and found me all packed up. That was an answered prayer.

I was overly excited to finally have my own room and freedom. I loved the new estate, I was looking forward to making new friends and the highlight of it all was the fact that I did not have to commute while going to school. Good times:-)

So I finally settled in. I quickly took up my new chores in the house. Since my cousin was always at work, I did not expect him to do much. He would come home and find food already made, the house cleaned, the clothes washed. He also allowed me to have my friends over so I was mostly at home. Since it was my last year in school, I would study sometimes until late in the night with my classmate who was also my neighbor, then we would go to a certain shop to buy some chips and walk home eating. Those are the nights I would find my cousin cooking or having cooked dinner. He never gave me a hard time, I guess because he wanted me to concentrate on my studies. We would have study discussions with my friends in the neighborhood sometimes until midnight and since I had my own key, I would go home at my own leisure. Oh how I loved those days.

No sooner had I started being the best cousin, than the estate idlers begun making my life difficult. My bedroom window was right above the 'idlers corner', that is where the estate boys would sit and smoke, having idle profane talks and arguments until very late. It even became harder when they realized that was my bedroom and would sometimes throw stones at my window. My cousin Caleb was not amused at all. He would come out very angry only to find that they had taken to their heels. I took it upon myself to put an end to this menace so I purposed to look for them. One day I approached them and warned them. In order to gain their respect, I decided to become their friend. So I would often say hi to them and they stopped making my life difficult.

One time, one of the boys decided to come see me at my place, talk of wrong timing and wrong idea. We were enjoying our dinner nicely with my cousin, catching up on the day’s events. I still had my uniform on as usual. So we hear a knock and my cousin goes to open. He tells the boy to enter and sit down. I was so tickled at seeing the panic and fear on the boy’s face. I knew my cousin could never hurt a fly but maybe he was merciless to such boys.

I waited anxiously to see what would happen. So the boy was thoroughly interrogated as to why he would look for me at such an hour, knowing very well that I was still in school. My cousin was so calm that it appeared as a bad joke. We offered the boy some food but he refused. He quickly excused himself, apologized and left. We were left laughing with my cousin. That was the first and last of any boy knocking at our door.

High School Life continues

I joined Form 3, still living with my sister Pamela. I was a day scholar so it was really tough commuting to school daily, reaching home when tired, trying to do my home work. One thing my sister did that helped a lot was to make sure that as soon as we reached home, we would always go to the boys room, which had the study table and we would all help each other out with our homework. I was the eldest in class so I did most of the helping. That trend was faithfully adhered to even in her absence, well also because my niece and nephew Christine and Nick would not hear anything less. 

We could not even be found watching television on a school night. My youngest nephew Dick was the stubborn one. Since he was the last born I guess he got the favors from his dad. He used to wait until the dad showed up, then go and sit with him as we are left studying.

 I had to wake up early since my school was far, my nephew would be picked with the school van so he used to sleep in.

My sister had this trend that when she is back on Fridays from Arusha, the next day she would go to the market and buy a lot of vegetables that needed work to sort and arrange in the freezer. It was quite taxing. Since we had Saturday tuition, I narrowly escaped that tiresome job. The days we had closed school I had no excuse.

Walking out my salvation begun being challenged in this very house. My nephews would wake us up every weekend with loud music. At times they would make me write for them the lyrics for some songs since I was keen on the words. I used to discourage them but I was out numbered. Soon I began bopping to the music. Whenever I would enter a public vehicle and hear a familiar tune, I would sing along. I then realized my weakness was music and I had to find a way to help myself.

I used to look forward to Sundays because I would go and repent and listen to worship music. I had a few music tapes that I would always find missing if I left them in the radio playing.

Praying became challenging too because I shared a room with my niece and the house help. I never even thought of being an early riser in prayer as I do now. So I was stuck to this life. I had saved friends, whom I would visit or we attended the same fellowship group. We would have retreats, meetings; hang out days at Jose’s, since they had a big house. We would cook, eat, listen to music and just have fun but I would still go back to the same house with the same challenges.

2001

My mum passed away on 23^rd of April 2001 at around 7am. We now had to arrange for the burial. She really looked different after a few days in the Mortuary. I chose her dress and the color of her coffin to be white. We boarded the Hearse bus and were on our way to her home in upcountry. 

We were fine until we reached our home town. The whole village seemed to have been expecting us because we heard wails as we approached the homestead. It brought tears to our eyes and now the whole bus was wailing. According to tradition, the coffin was placed just outside her house. 

We sat up until late as the grave diggers finished their job and we set up a tent for a service the next day. The following day, May 5^th 2001, we had a service conducted by one of the pastors who led a church she attended. We viewed the body for the last time and the journey to the grave begun. The distance was approximately 2 meters but it seemed like 100m. People sang funeral songs as the coffin was being placed in the grave. We had to place flowers in the grave as the children and I remember a thorn from the bouquet got stuck on my dress so I was struggling to get it out as they waited for me. I finally placed mine in then we threw in some soil and allowed the grave diggers to finish their job.

We went to the house and as usual there was alcohol as my relatives got drunk. My grandmother was very devastated. She kept wailing for a while before she was escorted back to her homestead. I had to come back to Nairobi immediately since school had resumed.

School was not easy for a few days as everyone would offer their condolence. I would break down once in a while but I tried to be strong. A classmate had also lost her brother during that holiday so it was really hard for us but we pulled through.

I now had to move to Pamela’s as she was paying my fees and I needed change. I thought the grass would be greener since our mother had passed on. I also had no one to run to when I needed to unwind from the hard times at Susan’s place. Grace opted to stay behind though. Life at Pamela’s was different. Her first born daughter, Christine and the second born son Nick were older than me and the last born Dickson was younger than me by two years. We were both in high school. She also lived with my cousin called Jacob who was very quiet and the youngest. Their house was much bigger and they ate a lot of food, well quite a variety compared to what I was used to. Her husband was very loving and the children loved him.

Pamela was loud and very authoritative. She never took time to talk to her family live alone me. She got angry very quickly, rarely smiled or joked. One thing that reminded me of my mum, she was an alcoholic. She would go out over the weekend and come back home late when we have all slept.

 She worked in Arusha Tanzania, with the UN and travelled every weekend back to Kenya.

Once she took us for holiday in Arusha. I was very excited. We stayed at her house. It was me, Dickson and Jacob. The husband later joined us there. We took walks, spent our Christmas there, and ate a lot of roasted and fried chicken. I still remember the taste of it like it was yesterday.

See you soon Mum

The nurses decided to evict me from the room and said that i should come less often. Their argument was that they could manage well without my help and I needed to go back to school. I was adamant and they had no option but to allow me to stay. My routine continued, I stay with mum the whole day and night, in the morning I go back home, shower, change, prepare her porridge and am back to the hospital. Her room was on 10^th floor, private wing. I entertained myself with the Television. I also talked to her on and off just to keep her talking.

Her room had only one couch so I was given a blanket and I would sleep on the couch or on the floor. I used to take the cushions from the couch and place them on the floor, it was more comfortable. On this particular day, as I finished cleaning my mum’s bathroom, I forgot to tighten the tap. We slept and in the morning the room was flooded with water. The nurses were so upset, and that was the last time I slept in my mum’s room.

I would carry my homework in the room and catch up on my studies too. There was a time people came to the room to pray for my mum. They used to go from room to room praying for patients. When they asked her is she was born again, she said she had received Jesus as her personal savior some time back while in upcountry. The time she got born again she had called us in Nairobi and was so excited. I remembered buying her an English bible since she had one in mother tongue. I had also bought her a book mark. I was very excited. They still prayed for her and she got born again, again. At least now I was sure her soul would live on for eternity.

Her wounds were still being changed and her condition seemed worse by the day but I never lost hope. Once we took her for an X-ray that showed signs of cancer. The doctor later told us that she had Pancreatic Cancer but we were not to tell her. She was to be taken in for surgery. Uncle Jim, who was a doctor, got a few doctors that he knew to work on her.

When the surgery was over the doctor called my uncle and sisters and told them that it was successful. They went out drinking to celebrate that night. I was up the next morning with the routine to take her from ICU and back to her room. When I reached the hospital, one nurse told me to wait until they called my sisters. I waited patiently as I did my school work. The waiting became too long but I never felt suspicious.

Suddenly Susan appeared and looked disoriented. Her eyes were blood shot and that’s when it hit me. She told me they could not tell me because I was too young. We were allowed to enter the ICU and see my mum but we were to remove our shoes because ICU was a very sensitive unit. We walked to my mum’s bed where she had been covered with a white sheet. We unveiled it and just stared at her. I was still on denial. She seemed to be asleep. My sister broke down and we were quickly removed from the ICU. It dawned on me slowly and I was walking while tears trickled down. We went back to her room to clear her things.

The Worst Year Ever

Second year in high school started off on a low with constant reports that my mum was ailing. She was in and out of hospital back in upcountry. I had an uncle who was a doctor and so he kept prescribing medicine for her. She eventually got worse and was admitted at a hospital in Kisumu town. They had diagnosed her with Gall Stones that had to be removed surgically. 

After they were removed, her recovery became slow. She stayed in the hospital abit longer as they monitored her until it reached a point they had to transfer her to Kenyatta Hospital in Nairobi for better treatment.

We took a bus to Kisumu with my sister Susan and organized for my mum to be transported to Nairobi while lying on a bed. She was put at the back of the hospital van with a siren and we sat at the back with her. She was a strong woman because she persevered an 8 hour journey to Nairobi. She was quickly transferred to a hospital bed and wheeled to her room on the 10^th floor of Kenyatta Hospital.

After check up, the doctor said that while the Gall Stones were removed, something was tampered with that was making her remove a certain liquid from the wound. We kept dressing her wound because of the liquid. I was not about to leave her alone so I stayed with her whole time.

Luckily it was the April holiday break but students were attending holiday tuition. One of my classmates was my neighbor so she kept bringing for me the work. I used to be at the hospital the whole day and go back home in the evening. The hospital was also not far off, only 20 minutes walk. I would make her porridge everyday then take for her as she preferred that then I would eat the nice breakfast they would bring for her. Her room had a television so I kept myself busy. My sisters would visit when they came from work. Another time my sister suggested we shave my mum, but we all refused and I chose to plait her instead.

When the nurses came to take her for x-rays, I would help them wheel her all the way to the x-ray room and back to her room. I eventually made friends with other patients on that floor who were my age mates so we would stroll for a few minutes and go back. I remember I used to pray for her healing that I was so sure she would recover.

One time Grace came to visit and she broke down crying. We had to remove her from the room. I did not understand why she cried only to realize that I rarely left my mum so I never noticed her countenance was changing. She looked weaker and thinner everyday but I chose to believe on our healing God. There was a time my mum decided she wanted to try walking to the toilet. I used to keep for her a bedpan and clean her just on the bed. So this day I helped her off the bed and to the toilet. As she came back to the bed, she almost fell and I held her. We were stuck like that for a while because I could not move her but I could not allow her to fall either. Thank God Pamela walked in after a few minutes and helped me carry her onto the bed. She kept telling everyone how strong I was to hold my mum.

High School

I went to stay with mum in upcountry until time to resume school. Luckily my sister was also finishing so we went together. It was fun because it was a lengthy holiday. It was cut short when I had to start school. On the day I was to report, all my sisters were busy to take me to the school so I was not able to report on the first day. Mary finally came through and took me to school the following day.

My first day was horrible. Since that was the school my sister Grace was in, I was told to wear her uniform because no one wanted to buy me new uniform. I looked pathetic. First of all they had introduced a pullover with a badge, yet the one my sister had did not have one. The new skirt had only two lines, on the front and back, yet mine had four, her shirts were torn at the collar because of washing and anyway, she had worn them for four years.  We went to the registration office with my sister Mary and we met the head teacher. She asked for the leaving certificate which I did not have because I had arrears from grade school. Mary begged her to allow me as we try and get the certificate. The head teacher agrees and i was escorted to the classroom. I was so happy to see a few friends from grade school but the stares I got were scary. I quickly sat next to a friend and started catching up.

I was familiar with the school location so in the evening I found my way home.

Am not sure if Mary paid for the first semester in school but later on I used to go pick my fees from Pamela’s house. She finally agreed to pay. The first year of high school was okay as I was still getting acquainted and familiarizing myself with the people. Despite the occasional reminders from the head teacher that I needed to get a new uniform, I tried adapting as much as possible. I stood out of the crowd since everyone had new uniforms except me.