The Aftermath

Money became an issue. Since she had spent all her money on the plans and preparations to depart, and had resigned from her job. She had to start from scratch. Job hunting and feeding the family. The landlady was very considerate and did not pester her with rent arrears. It was my final year in grade 8 and my sister Grace in high school.

I did not have text books until later in that year. I managed to finish school but was not given my leaving certificate because I had school fees arrears. My niece and nephew had it rough. They were constantly being kicked out of school because of fees. There was a full year my niece Jessy stayed home. It was really sad. So now my big sister was to take up my fees for high school. I finally got my results and knew the school I had been called to. It was the sister school of my primary and it was not far from it either. I had really wanted to go to a boarding school so that I could concentrate on my studies but my mum refused, reason being that there would be no one to visit me since she was getting too old to travel a lot.

So the day arrived to go ask my big sister, Pamela, to pay my fees. We went with my mum and my uncle. This was to be my first time to see her. We reach her house and are welcomed warmly. We all sit and my mum explains the reason for our visit. My sister immediately refuses to hear anything of it and tells my mum that she will not pay the fees. My mum starts crying and my uncle quickly intervenes and tells my mum it’s not wise to cry in front of her children. She courageously recovers and says that we need to leave. I will never forget that day because I could not believe that my sister could do that to her mother. I later discovered that Pamela had a very lucrative job at the UN and was well able to support me with my education.

Near Departure

So here we were, back to life as usual. Justin was living with us. I found it weird because I had not grown up with a man in the house and the previous boyfriend had left me stigmatized. But as I had said, communication was not easy for him, so he wasn’t very difficult getting along with. In fact since he came, the beatings had subsided and now the shouting and yelling were predominant. I preferred it that way.

When I moved to Susan’s place, she had placed me as a dependent on her passport. Back then, it was possible since we were under age. Her nursing career was very lucrative overseas. She started planning to get another job and applied to various hospitals abroad. As I had mentioned earlier, her faith was very strong. She got the job and immediately resigned from the current job, a move she later regretted. We were all in the plan of going and so we undertook the logistics or relocating. In the midst of all the excitement and celebrations, she told me that I was to remain. It so happened that when she had gone to the embassy and requested if she could go with Justin, she was told that he had to be her dependent and so she had the option of replacing me with him.

The replacement was done and decision made. Plan was that Mary was to take us up or our other sister Pamela. I was shocked that she could replace me for him but again I was happy I was not going with her. A farewell party was held and it was so sad. They were all ready to go and so a van was hired to take us all to the airport plus our neighbors. We went up to the airport, and since it was late we bid them good bye and went back home. It was saddening but we knew we could manage. That night we were to sleep in the house all by ourselves. 

As soon as we arrived, we heard voices shouting and talking only to realize that they had returned and were in the neighbors’ house. The children were very confused and my sister just seemed upset. They all came over as Susan explained what had transpired. 

Apparently Justin’s passport was fraud and he had been arrested immediately it was detected. My sister had been given an option again, of going on to America with her children but she refused the offer. She wanted to come back and make sure Justin was released. I was annoyed at that statement. Why could she not see that Justin was guilty and might put her in more trouble in the future? I failed to understand.

After that, a few attempts were made to visit him in prison, and she used to take for him a few necessities. With no time the relationship was history.

Cats and Dogs

Susan loved pets. Jessy and I had our own cats. I remember mine was called Chacha, plain white furry and her’s Lisa, grey and white fur. We had to get rid of Chacha when she stole milk one day from the boiling pot. I couldn’t believe it since we had trained her for so long where to get her milk. We had to get rid of her because those were signs of being wild, as Susan put it.

That was a sad day for me. She kept coming back until one day we tied her in a box and threw her far. She couldn’t find her way back home. I hope to see her one day in heaven. The dogs were fun too, though I hated cleaning up after them. The dogs were out on the compound while the cats were in the house. Since we kept changing the cats and dogs, they were not used to each other so whenever the cat became curious and left through the window at night, they would get eaten by the dog. We would cry so much and get all depressed then Susan would get for us replacements.

We would walk the dog out at night in the estate. The dogs were only opened at night so the whole day they were locked in their dog house.

Those animals were the beginning of my love for cats and dogs. Nowadays I cannot stand seeing a stray dog. Makes me want to cry and take it home with me.

The Unexpected Return

My mum finally got around to convincing Mary to relieve Susan of the burden and take me up. Mary is our second born sister. She was married with four children. Her firstborn was older than me so I was not going to be the firstborn.

I got to pack my things and move to Mary’s house. Everything was different here. The house was a huge massionette and I was sharing a room with my niece Sarah, her third born. They were very friendly and inviting. I started getting used to it here. There was a house girl who was doing her job and I was not forced to do her work. I was comfortable and relaxed. It was fun being here, only to realize that my happiness was to be short lived.

No sooner had I settled, than I was packing to return to Susan’s house. I must have spent days only at her house. Mary took the opportunity to take me back to Susan’s. As we entered the living room, Susan was all smiles and I just broke down into tears. I was overwhelmed with disappointment and so many questions for God were running through my mind. So they waited for me to calm down and asked why I was crying. I bluntly admitted that I did not want to return to her house. One of the many things I regretted ever saying because what followed was unbelievable. On the table where they sat, were some containers for carrying food. She quickly grabbed one and threw it at me. It hit me on the head. I was immediately yanked and given a few slaps. I guess she could not stand the shame of being rejected. 

It had been so that Susan had convinced Mary how I was a very difficult child to live with and she is the only one who could handle me. For Mary that was a burden off but I wished she could have told Susan that she was willing to see it for herself because staying with her for a few days had not produced any evidence of Susan’s allegations. Mary was soft spoken and easily persuaded and I did not know her much to start begging her to go with me. Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t know I guess.

Mum's Visits

Her visits were rare but very significant. Mum would come with all sorts of goodies. The best was chicken, some boiled and others fried. She would travel with it all the way, 8 to 10 hour trip and still arrive fresh. She loved my niece Jessy too so we loved when she was around. The only weakness was the drinking problem that would make her come home late. We were back to staying up late waiting for her.

One day, we really waited until I got concerned. I even began praying because I knew it was not normal. Also the fact that she was in Nairobi was scary enough because of the insecurity. She finally came and we sat her down to explain to her that she was putting her life at risk. Then she admitted that she had had an accident. She had been hit by a vehicle while crossing the road yet she was not complaining of any aches or pains. As angry as I was that she had come late, I was also grateful that she was fine. She refused to go for check up claiming she did not need it so we just ignored.

Most of her visits were when we had closed school and she came to get me and Grace to travel back to upcountry for the holiday. Living upcountry to come back to Nairobi was difficult for us. We would cry almost all the way back to Nairobi. 

On one of her visits, as she was in the room resting, she suddenly heard my cries from the frequent beatings. My sister Susan had found me in the estate telephone booth talking to my friend. My classmate had given me her house number, and since it was a weekend, I was home. I had left to call her and inquire about a particular homework we had been given. With Susan there was no explanation because it led to agitating her the more. Once the accusations were made, the fate was sealed. She just told me to hang up and follow her home. That was the longest distance to the house ever. I was so nervous because I knew what awaited me. Susan did not fear mum. I think she felt that if she was taking care of us, mum was at her mercies too. We reach home and she tells me to go to her room. I was beaten as my mum heard in the other room. I really wanted her to help me but I understood why she could not. After that I just went to her and she consoled me. I could tell she was not amused but I guess she did not want to interfere with how my sister took care of us. I tried convincing her that I was really tired of being mistreated and I wanted to move out.

She decided she would contact my other sister Mary and see if it could be arranged. I rarely saw my other big sisters or my brother. He lived with an uncle as he did his high school education.

More Beatings...

It was now the exam season for me and Grace. She was sitting for her high school final exams as I sat for my grade 8 final exam. We both needed to be reading seriously but the environment was not conducive.

My sister kept a diary, writing about how miserable her life was and even abused Susan with some heavy words. No one knew about the diary until it was discovered. As for me, I had written a letter to my cousin in boarding school, explaining all my misery and frustrations and how we were being mistreated. She had also been responding with letters of her frustrations too with my aunty, since that is where she went when school’s closed.

One day, as Grace was doing her exams, Susan saw her in the estate walking with her friend. Grace had just done a paper in the morning and so she was free in the afternoon. She decided to go to her friend’s place, who was a neighbor and spend her afternoon there. This was the day my sister had just discovered the letter I had written to my cousin through my aunty who found it and she had also found Grace’s diary. Things were not good at all.

Susan patiently waited until I come from school and Grace came from her friend’s place. By now she was writhing in anger and was planning the counter attack. We were finally home and she started out well by asking Grace where she was. Straight up, Grace lied to her face saying she was from school. We were both told to go and change our clothes to our night dresses, since they were very light and see through, so practically we were naked. She did not even wait for us to come out of the room and followed us in. what happened next was like a horror movie. I received most beatings since I was shielding Grace because she hid next to me. We were told to move out to the living room. Her children could not bear the sight and broke out in tears. The house help was told to lock her children in the other room so that they do not distract her. We kept falling; she lifts us and continues the whooping.

You could see she was mad. That whip felt like they were 5 of them. She hit as both continuously until my niece, Jessy came out of the room and tried to stop her. Susan pushed her away, trying to show how mad she was. The house help decides to try and help but to no avail. By now we were on top of our lungs in tears and screaming. She had now taken the dinning chair and was planning to throw it at us, when suddenly the neighbors came to our rescue. If that was not enough, she put the chair down since now the neighbors were shielding us, and reached for the knife. She starts ranting that she has to kill us. The neighbors tried calming her and told her to explain what happened. We already knew since she kept saying it while whipping us. She was getting more upset as they tried to calm her. She had to be held, now that she had a knife.

The neighbors, who were young girls like us, rushed us out of the house to their house and gave us blankets to keep warm. They tried telling us to calm down and stop weeping. It was not easy. They had heard all the prior beatings but this one shocked them. They went back to calm Susan as she kept ranting that she never wanted to see us again.

Remember we were doing our final exams, and so we needed to do some reading. I felt sad for Grace because she had a paper the next day early morning. We were not in a position to read. We just wanted to sleep and forget what had just transpired. Our neighbors fed us and just as we were going to bed, Susan came for us. She allowed us to sleep in her house.

It would be over, or so i thought!

I joined high school, which I will go back and elaborate on it later. The distance was further than the primary school so I did a lot of walking. I had a cousin who lived next to the school so sometimes I would pass by his place for lunch or he would give me some pocket money to buy a few things of my own. He was really nice.

On this particular day, I was from Saturday tuition. As usual I passed by his place. He introduced me to his girlfriend and we clicked immediately. He gave me some cash, the usual drill and I was off. When I reached home, my sister inquired why I was late. I innocently said the truth that I had passed by Cousin Caleb’s house. A heap of laundry was waiting for me. I changed my clothes to a brief short and a vest to wash the clothes, which was everyone’s laundry, only to realize that my sister had gone to get the cane to beat me.

Her problem was that I was getting money from my cousin and I was passing by his place. Why would that be a problem? I honestly could not understand and so I took in the whooping and cried my heart out. The beating was so painful because I was in a short and vest. It became hard to wash the clothes because of the pain but I had no option. 

As a nurse, my sister kept a lot of medication in her room and it was accessible but we made sure the children could not get to it. Immediately she left, I went to her room, took 2 tablets of all the medication she had and swallowed with some liquid medication she had. I had purposed to end my life because I was tired. I confidently finished washing knowing I was almost dying, but the Lord had another plan. I slept and woke up as fit as a fiddle.

Another time, I tried the same but with sleeping pills almost 20 tablets. That night I was 100% sure and so before I slept that night, I said goodbye to Grace, the house help and my niece. They did not understand why I said that but I was not going to give them a reason. I gave them advice and encouraged them, as we were all in bed before we all said goodnight and switched off the lights. When I woke up in the morning I knew I was in heaven. No one had told me that suicide is a one way ticket to hell so I knew I was in heaven only to hear the voice of my sister. By then I knew for sure she could not be in heaven with me and thus reality hit me, earth it was. Life continued as usual.